The Episode - Wants, Whys, No’s and Peace.
What do I want?
What is peace?
What is this feeling?
I have no needs, I do not want anything.
It just faded away.
How can you retain it forever?
Certainly not by continuation.
Certainly not by doing what people around me are doing - they do not seem to be at peace.
Is there a known way, you ask? Some say so. Some do seem to be at their subjective peace.
I really want to retain it. That, surely, has to be the goal.
Tell me more.
Things I have, things I have known are incomplete.
I sought solace in computation. The act of computing, commanding things to act without boundaries, ability to create an ideal virtual world in those computations - these are not giving me peace.
Living to create things that others want, is worthless, without peace.
Living to find out “that small thing”, is worthless, without peace.
Answering questions has no meaning unless there is peace.
What is the meaning at the end?
Is this what I want? Projects, programs, money, presence of others, validation, expectations, on an infinite loop?
They are worthless.
Peace. No wants. No being. Being. Letting be. Observing. Yes.
A sheer will to create that fantasy situation boils up within. I wish it will burn all other things some day.
I know I can burn it right now.
Are you sure about what you are seeking? What after achieving it?
I know what I am not seeking.
After that, it will not matter! I will be free from exchanges! I feel, when I am at temporary peace, I can do anything, I can do nothing - it is all acceptable.
Do you have a proposition about the path to “eternal” peace?
I think there is no exact match for it. There are some approximations, but I am not okay with approximations.
I can see, that I must give up before I can be at peace. I am not sure which part I do not want to give up!
Ah, I want the future to be in a certain, precise way! That fantasy land! Where I dwell at river, woods, bees, flowers, information, anarchy. I want to be there after peace is attained. That might be the block on the path forward.
I… give that up? Let us come back to this in a while.
Even though I do not want to give it up, I remember the feeling, when it doesn’t matter! It was all acceptable!
I understand, that in peace, it doesn’t matter. But I am NOT at peace.
I understand that people will have a hard time. But there is no certainty! Only probability - in both (or more) ways.
Without peace, I cannot do anything.
Why spend time thinking about home?
Why spend energy earning money?
Why bother caring?
This act has not given peace to anyone!
It is a game of chance whose outcomes do not include peace.
I do not want it.
I want nothing less.
What of the things like tech and computers?
I am ready to give them up, for peace.
What I would “want” (in that fantasy world) is for me to neither hate nor love computers, mathematics. If I am at peace, I might want to work on them, but of course, it won’t matter.
As you see, the mind is having a hard time giving it up. But I know, it must be done! Renounce! वैराग्यम्!
The Veda - will they surely lead there?
I don’t really care. I would like to see this ugly world of my mind burn! I have seen it from afar. I feel it does indeed lead there, but I don’t really care.
If it leads, great. I am going to walk on it.
The default, preset path involves elements that I dot like. But I think I can simply over-shadow them.
Give the final verdict.
I am burnt.
I want peace.
I do not want other things.
I will give everything up if I have to.
I will walk the path.
The Final Passage
[After a few days]
I do not feel like “running away” right now, which is weird! But I am sure and firm that peace is what I want.
I really don’t care about other things. I mean, whatever!
Things are praised, put at high places in vedic way (at least that is what it seems), but I would rather chill out! Take it “peacefully”!
I don’t give a crap about future. All I care about is being at peace, rest can happen in whatever way.
Anything that prevents me from working towards peace can go to hell. That which helps, can stay. There is simply nothing remotely complex.
What if the logic that is supposed to “give” peace is wrong? Two things:
- Find a better way
- Why do you care as long as there is peace?
I do not care about the truths of life, universe and everything. I just want to rest.
I will not bother about the world unless I’m at peace. I will not bother about bothering about world post-peace.